It was a great experience to have my first-ever artist residency. I had the opportunity to think deeply about my project and what I wanted to explore during the residency. When I first started thinking about what this project could be, I realized that this August marks my five-year anniversary of moving to Toronto. I have decided to celebrate it by creating an oil painting called “Looking Back, Moving Forward”.
I came here at 18 years old from Almaty, Kazakhstan, to study at York University. Since then, I have graduated, started exploring my creative journey, and built a life in this city. So many moments have happened here. I arrived as a young person trying to figure out how life worked, how to build a new life in an unfamiliar place, how to make friends, and how to find a sense of belonging. Along the way, I was fortunate enough to find what feels like the best found family I could have asked for.
Now, at 23, I am still young, but when I look back, I realize how much I have changed. Over these five years, I have been studying, working, creating, volunteering, meeting people, and constantly trying new things. I was so focused on moving forward that I rarely had the time or space to sit down and process everything that was happening to me.
In my artworks, I share some of my personal experience, explore diversity of femininity, and experience of a Central Asian woman living in Toronto. The colour palette of this painting is composed of yellow, pink, purple, and blue. For me, these colours represent more than just the sunset. They reflect a sense of hope and optimism, serenity, and perhaps even the feeling of continuing to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses.
This residency gave me that space. It became an opportunity to slow down and look back at the person who first arrived in Toronto and compare her with the person I am today. I began thinking about the memories I have collected here, the places I have lived, the people I have met, the experiences that shaped me, and the small moments that may have seemed insignificant at the time but became part of who I am. Toronto helped me appreciate my culture, discovering it through a new perspective, and being proud of where I am from, while also becoming a Torontonian.
Looking back through this experience made me realize that self-exploration does not always happen while we are going through something. Sometimes, it happens later, when we finally allow ourselves to pause and look back.
Instagram: @zereabylgazina | Website: https://zere-abylgazina.pixpa.com/
